Dear Beckett,

On the night before you officially become a big brother, I'm a mess. As my one and only, my tiny lunch date, and my bestie for the last 4+ years, I cannot imagine the happiness I'm going to experience when you get to meet your little brother for the first time.

Today, I'm struggling with so many emotions. Happiness, excitement, fear, guilt. You name it. We've prepared you as best we can and you're the most excited out of anyone to become a big brother. You nailed Big Brother class, and ask (multiple times) daily if it's 'Baby Day' yet,so we know you're ready, but are we? I want you to know, I couldn't be more proud of you and more excited to see you take on this new role.

The tears I've cried are happy ones, as you always ask. I'm happy but hope my heart can hold the love I have for you and your brother together- apparently, you can according to everyone I've talked to, so no fear little guy, my love for you will only get stronger :) There is always room for Mommy love and cuddles for both of you- always and forever!

As I kissed you this morning on the way out to the hospital, you smiled and said 'love you' and rolled over to go back to sleep (it was 5am after all.) My littlest becoming the oldest in the blink of an eye. 

I love you so much stinky butt and cannot wait to see you as Big Brother Beckett in just a few hours.

I love you all in my heart forever, 

Mommy

Married, Moving, and Multiplying.

They say that the 3 of the most stressful things in life are getting married, having a baby and moving.

I'm never one to do things the easy way, so of course I did all of them in 2 years. We got married in May of 2012. Moved to California in December 2012. Celebrated our 1 year anniversary in May 2013 and welcomed our sweet baby boy in February 2014. 

WHEW.

While it hasn't been easy, it's been totally worth it.

Since CL and I lived together for a couple years prior to getting married starting our married life was not much different. Yes, there were new rings on our fingers, and a marriage certificate, and lots of new gifts, but other than that (and the fact that when we fought, we had to get over it asap) nothing changed. We became husband and wife, an even playing team. We learned to compromise, but luckily we got most of that out of the way before we tied the knot. 

We supported each other when things got rough (try getting laid off when you're 4 months pregnant...). We celebrated the good things (like a Hawaiian getaway for our 1st anniversary and Vegas for CL's 30th).  And we attempted to take advantage of living as a young married couple in the Bay Area--although since we moved back to Texas I don't think we seized the opportunity as much as we could have. Isn't hindsight always 20/20? 

I am still stumbling with the idea that we are parents. I still smile when I introduce CL as my 'husband' and now he's DaDa too? When did we grow up? And why are we adults all of a sudden? 

And moving? We have lived in 2 apartments and 1 house since Beckett was born (actually before he was 1!!)..I can't even positively say that this will be 'home' for a few years, but i've got my fingers crossed! 

I've learned a lot in the last couple of years. Life is a journey. Not a destination. We are all learning as we go. NOTHING is perfect no matter how you make your life appear on Instagram, Facebook, or your blog. NOTHING. I'd be damned to give anyone marriage or parenting advice, either.. except that whole 'You aren't alone and you aren't the first or last to experience something.. someone, somewhere has been in your shoes too!' You'll cry and laugh and question your life a lot. 

I can't think of a more stressful, eventful, un-perfect, or fun time in my life. It's been one big adventure and Im glad to have put down some roots! It's crazy how quickly time flies when you're having fun. 

So here's to my crazy life.. being married, moving a lot, and having one sweet baby boy.