carnival.. lifetime?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

CL and i are members of lifetime fitness. if anyone has been in one, or see one, its huge and its nice. it comes with a pretty hefty monthly fee, but its totally worth it. we work out there, swim there, attempt basketball, grab healthy snacks there and i've even gotten a massage there and it was wonderful. today CL and i went to hang out at the pool as we have been a lot lately seeming that its summer. there are palm trees, lounge chairs, lifeguards, umbrellas, and what seem to be lido deck cruise directors all over. today as i was laying in the sun reading "sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs" by the kiddie pool i realized our summertime oasis was a lot like a carnival cruise. and thus i am sharing with you the similarities.

there are 2 HUGE resort style pools-- one inside, one outside-- complete with winding slides. there are also 2 giant hot tubs full of older hairy men, and a lap pool inside. 

i have lately been noticing that not only does the music suck, but they play "1 cent, 5 cent, 10 cent, dollar!" song that if you have ever been on a cruise, you have had to listen to it on replay 100 times over. they don't serve alcohol at the pool, but im thinking they should. it would make my people watching so much more enjoyable.

now for the demographics.

now, this is a fitness spa so you would think there are nothing but fit, good looking people lounging in their swim suits, right? WRONG. the pool is usually filled with over sugared, under sunscreen, non-supervised bratty kids. and im not lying. their parents are usually too involved in their own endeavors to get a tan to notice their kids. annoying. and the guy on the lap top today that was screaming "GIVE ME A BREAK! IM TRYING TO GET WORK DONE!" probably should have taken a look around.. your at a pool. 

then there are the  cute moms. they are in age and body appropriate swimwear, a hat, and are toting one or more adorably clad kids in life preservers.. if they haven't sipped out of grip from the pounds of sunscreen they have on. these are the moms you aspire to be like. they even have snacks.

and of course the middle aged mom thats in the string bikini thinking she "looks fine".. ummm lady, tie-dye string bikini's don't look good on anyone. and the fact that the high rise bottoms make your thighs look enormous.. well, lets say your tacky flame tattoo on the small of your back isn't helping matters. and while we are on the topic of bad tattoos.. the pool is definitely a great place to see them.. the most awesome one i saw today was a tiger on a woman's calf. classy.

there are also the hairy old men that look like they are all competing for the title 'hairiest man'. its not as attractive when its grey hair, btw. and i dont judge because i am not perfect, but ladies. seriosuly, wear a swim suit that is appropriate for your body. NO one wants to see that, even if you are comfortable in your own skin. im all for owning your body, but if your fupa (fatty upper pelvic area) is hanging over your bottoms like 3 inches, put on a one-piece. thanks.

so i know im rambling on and on and on.. but seriously. the pool is a dead ringer for the pool deck on a cruise ship. that is all.

(all photos via google images)


  1. HAHA! This post cracked me up.. Its SO true, I also go to Lifetime and see the same things and have been on cruises.. And they are very relevant! ha! thanks for sharing

  2. This is SO funny!!! I just got back form a Carnival Cruise for a friend's destination wedding, and it was exactly like you say! Hairy men, blaring music, skimpy bikinis, tattoos galore, and leathery skin everywhere in sight! Yuck!


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